Thoughts on Online Writing Style
1) Think about how you want to present yourself to the group.
Take a little time to get comfortable with standard expectations in online communication. These include writing comprehensible English, not using HTML to post, and so on. You can read my little rant on some 'creative' writing techniques and why they're not such a good idea elsewhere on this site.
In online communication, the way you use text is the first and main impression people have of you. Clear writing is the best way to make a good impression. Your writing doesn't need to be eloquent or unusually witty - just be clear about what you're saying.
2) Don't assume an inappropriate level of intimacy
One other thing to consider is how you relate to other posters. You don't need to be really formal, but many people find statements from people they don't know saying things like "Honey" or "Dear" or "Looking forward to talking to all my new friends" a bit off-putting.
It's better *not* to assume that kind of intimacy and informality with people you only know through a discussion group you've just joined, but rather to treat them the way you would a new acquaintance at work or a social activity. Yes, you might end up as friends, but you don't know each other well yet, so you shouldn't say things that sound like you do.
You may see other people on the group using those kinds of words, but generally, if you read a bit further, you'll probably find out that they know each other and are good friends or romantically involved, and use those terms in specific replies, not general ones. (At least on the whole.)
In general, things that dictate to other people how they should interact with you are not very useful. It's fine to set an expectation of politeness, but there's a difference between that and being told how to write to them, or how they should feel about you.
3) Replying to other people's messages:
Get used to the ideas of quoting and responding appropriately. When you reply to someone's message, you should quote *only* that material you are directly replying to. This is called 'snipping' and it's done to keep messages to a reasonable length and to allow the conversation to continue without making people read irrelevant material.
You should quote enough, on the other hand, to let people who may have missed or forgotten a previous message follow your point. A comment like "I think X is right." is really hard to follow, but quoting a sentence or two of what X said, and then following it with "I agree with X - I think <whatever> because ..." is a lot easier to understand.
(Quoting is not as necessary or common when using web based discussion boards as it is in Usenet or email discussion groups, because the previous messages are right above. In email and Usenet discussions, this isn't true, and the relevant messages could be days back or screens above.)
Your comments should be interwoven with the text you are replying to - quote what you want to reply to, then reply, then repeat as necessary until you've responded to the necessary points, removing text that you're not replying to. (If there's a lot of it, or if you want to encourage people to go back and reread it, you can say something like <snipping lots of stuff I agree with> or <snipped regretfully, but I loved this, and encourage people to reread it> ) This makes it more like a conversation.
It is standard to keep the same subject line *unless* there's a significant change in subject through the discussion. If you reply to a digest post (digests group a set of messages, and send them out once, rather than sending each message as it comes in.), you should change the subject line to the line of the specific message you're replying to. (It probably says something like "MailingListName Digest #270" at the mail message subject line.) This helps people read through groups of messages far more easily.
4) A question of tone.
It's really easy to misunderstand things online, and to be misunderstood. Because tone of voice doesn't carry very well, it can be easy to get confused. Usually, a good first line to take if you think you've been misunderstood or might be misunderstanding is to ask about it.
A quick. "Wait a minute, I'm confused. I thought you said that...<restating what you understood the person to have said>. I'm talking about <a restatement of your own statements, preferably with different words than the original.>. This can often lead to some really productive conversations.
You should, however, avoid making any generalization you can avoid. Words like all, every, no, none, must, should, people, men, women, and so on should be used carefully. There are very few absolutes in the world. Words like "In my experience, some..." or "I've found in my life that many ..." really help the people who *are* exceptions to your statements not to feel alienated from the group or your discussion.
Humor, particularly irony or sarcasm, often falls flat online. If you want to use it, it can be useful to tag it. The tag </irony> is a fake HTML style code which is often useful. Or even a simple <irony over> note can be used. However, this should be said in the original message - pulling the "Oh, it was a *joke* and anyone with brains could guess that" attitude after someone's already been offended or annoyed isn't nearly so pleasant to deal with.
5) Be as general as possible in asking for responses to questions, and give examples in replying.
If you only ask people with brown hair and blond male heterosexual partners to respond, you're going to get a lot fewer answers to your questions than if you don't place any such restrictions. If, instead, you say "If there's anyone out there who is <criteria>, I'm particularly interested in hearing your response, but any advice and thoughts would be appreciated", you're likely to get more responses.
Likewise, if you're talking about a specific situation (as opposed to general theory) it's often very helpful for other people if you include examples to illustrate your point (either from your life, from reading, from experiences of friends...) when that's appropriate. (Obviously, don't use the experiences that you or your friends would prefer to keep private...)
This helps people feel like you want to talk to them (that you're interested in hearing experiences, not just the ones that speak only to your specific immediate situation in all ways) and helps you feel more real‚ to other people on the group (because you share a little of your own life.)
6) Be careful about loaded language:
Some words (like 'Honey' or 'dear') are particularly loaded in some conversation. While they may be more common in your area (particularly, for example, in the Southern US), they're often used solely in derogatory sense in other parts of the US or world, if they're not being used by someone who is legitimately close to the person they're talking to (friend, partner, relative)
You don't need to remove all regionalisms from your language, but be careful that you're using words that convey the ideas you want to convey.
Using "honey" or "dear" in the middle of an intense debate (particularly if you are male and the person you're talking to is female, or if there is a decade or more age difference) often makes the person it's used towards feel disrespected and demeaned. Asking yourself if that is really what you want to do, or is there another way to say what you want to say clearly and continue a conversation among equals is a good solution.
I cut people much more slack on such usage if it honestly *is* something they use all the time. It's the people who start using words like "Honey" and "Dear" in the middle of more intense discussions, and *only* then where I find the usage particularly disturbing.
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Last updated: August 1, 2001
gleewood@gleewood.org