One of my goals for this year is to post here more often than I did last year. (More than four should be achievable!) My actual goal is at least once a month, and more than that would be nice. I’m working on a post with meaningful content in another window, but I wanted to get a few notes out before I do that.
Because I’m about to post a substantially longer post, and um, hi, it’s been nine months. Since my last update, I have:
Done more job hunting and interviewing (I think I came out to 160 hours of travel for this job hunt, the majority between September 2014 and early April 2015. Not prep, not interviewing, not phone interviews. Just travel.)
Gotten hired for an awesome new job.
Moved from Maine back to the Boston area for said new job, managing to find a suitable apartment at a not entirely unreasonable cost or commute. (Proof that magic works, if you’re at all familiar with Boston rental markets.)
Started the new job in May, and spent the subsequent months diving into it.
(It is still amazing, but involves a lot of content knowledge I didn’t have: I’m essentially a special librarian attached to a larger educational institution these days, and my job is a lot of reference about minute details in the relevant subject areas. I’m finally out of the months where I was just so exhausted when I got home from all the new learning that I wasn’t doing much else.)
Wrapped up three major related personal projects in September and October. (A seven year collaborative creative project, managing the backstage documention for same, which turned into a 7000+ page wiki, and knitting a blanket that goes along with the project.)
Turned 40 (also in September).
Done (and continue doing) seasonal ritual with good friends, which has been great, though now I’m looking at how to step up my ritual practice again.
Gone on vacation to London for 9 days over Thanksgiving. It was a great trip!
And now I’m finally settling in to a couple of vacation weekends when I might actually get my books organized at home, and with plans for writing and the Seeking site.
It seems very silly to update to explain why I’m not updating, but…
My life is currently in another round of limbo – my current job is being cut due to budget reasons, and that means I am deep in the process of applying for other things (all of which will also require a move, so there’s also a bunch of ‘how do I set things up now to make that easy when I don’t know where I’m moving to.’) This is after about 4 months of health issues that made doing anything that required thinking very difficult.
All of which means that Pagan writing (and a lot of other things) are on the backburner until that’s settled. And that may take a few months.
However, I had an email from someone who liked my Seeking site this week, asking about my plans for updates, and I wanted to mention some of what I said in reply to her here, in case anyone else is curious.
- I did a big visual overhaul last spring.
- I added a number of new articles between last April and last July (links to those below)
- I have about half a dozen articles in drafts, and notes about 30 others I’d eventually like to write. (I’m sure those will produce more, eventually)
- I have some other projects I’d really like to work on – these will almost certainly wait until another project I’ve been involved with comes to an end sometime this summer.
Additions to the Seeking site in the past year:
It’s going on 3 years (well, 2.5, but) since I put my Seeking site up, and it’s now regularly getting 100 hits or more a day. (Yay, nice thing!)
However, it also clearly needs some updating and some pieces written that I’ve been meaning to get around to, and all that. So, now is a good time for me to ask “What stuff do you want me to talk about more over there?”
For those of you who haven’t looked, it is focused on people new to Paganism (and specifically to religious witchcraft, which is the bit of Paganism I can speak to with some coherency: I try not to talk about other people’s religions *for* them) Got thoughts? Share below the fold.
(Yeah, I know. I go months without updating, and then two posts in the same day. But thinking about my earlier one lead me to this.)
It is twelve years and two days (September 2nd, 2001) since I Dedicated to the tradition that I am now a 3rd degree priestess in. And I find it’s a good time for me to say “Here’s what I wish someone had told me then.” 
What’s happened since then?
- 9/11. And how people dealt – or didn’t deal – with it.
- I got married. (in later 2001. after wrangling lots of paperwork – my ex was Canadian)
- I got divorced. (we separated in 2005, and the actual divorce was in 2006.)
- I moved in with housemates. I moved out from living with housemates.
- I took a break in grad school. I went back and finished my degree. (Master’s in Library and Information Science.)
- I stopped talking to my mother, for years. And I started again, and it’s so much better now.
- I had a major health crash, left a job I loved, spent a year unemployed.
- And I learned a lot about who my friends were and weren’t.
- Then I found an awesome new job (just had my two year anniversary. It’s still quite awesome).
- But it meant leaving Minnesota and moving half way across the country.
- And switching from living in an urban area to a very rural one.
And that means:
I have been moderately well-off (by librarian standards). I’ve had a couple of years when my food budget was $20 a week, because the food budget was the thing that could give after rent and paying down debt, and other necessities.
I lost the cat who got me through the bad years to a blood clot, when the Vet. told me the Source was diet, I felt so terrible and I swore to be more picky with my animals food. I acquired a new one, who rolls over and purrs at the slightest moment of attention
I’ve moved 5 times. Mostly across town. Except the one that was cross-country.
I’ve had months on end when I spent 15+ hours that week on religious group practice and ritual planning and my own religious practice. And I’ve had months when the only things I do are the tiny minimal things: a playlist listen here. Painted toenails there.  A pendant here. A pause while reading something not overtly Pagan there.
I’ve taught classes, designed them from scratch. I’ve planned nuanced rituals and really blunt ones. I’ve Drawn Down and done less than brilliantly considered things with arrows and fire in the name of religion. I’ve had three initiation rituals. I’ve helped with more than half a dozen, most recently last March. But the group I trained with is no longer active, and that breaks my heart sometimes.
I’ve argued stubbornly with my teachers, and listened to them. I’ve had things I loved and things that hurt. (And sometimes both at once.) I’ve felt the presence of the Gods and heard them speak to me – and I’ve had month after month where there’s nothing really there.
I’ve gone through cycle over cycle about what the work I get paid for and the song of my soul have in common, and how one feeds the other, and what it means when I was struggling to make things work.
I served on the Twin Cities Pagan Pride board for about 5 years – in which time we took the organisation into being solidly in the black year after year, shepherded through the 501(c)3 process, and launched Paganicon. (Related to that, I have learned how to negotiate a hotel contract, manage room arrangements, wrestled programming to build something as diverse and wide-ranging as I could, and picked up a lot of other bits of organisational skill.)
I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words. (A number of them here, or for my Seeking site for people seeking Pagan religions, but many of them just in casual conversation online. Because someone asks me a question, and words come pouring out.) And a bit of music.
And in there, I’ve been to a couple of weddings, a memorial service I helped coordinate, and a wide range of other things that are about the moment of community and compassion and memory.
But none of that, really, is about what I wish someone had told me. Which is:
What I wish I’d been told (but couldn’t have heard if you had)
1) That thing about change? She does change everything She touches. So does He. So do They, over there. (Yes, all of Them that dance across the threads of your life.) So do your friends. And random students at work, and books you read once and thought you’d forgotten, and momentary conversations with a stranger.
Learn to figure out where the changes are pointing you. There’s less wear and tear that way.
(You don’t have to like the change. You don’t have to agree. But fight the right thing, if you’re going to fight.)
2) You will have glorious passionate overwhelming moments with people. You will have times when you can’t bear to be in the same room with them. In good weeks, these will not happen in the same 24 hours.
People are people. Give them the same grace you wish they’d give you.
(You don’t have to like them all the time. You don’t have to agree. But if you want to do stuff with them later, some things are easier than others to recover from.)
3) You will learn stuff from the *weirdest* places. That’s okay. Just roll with it.
There’s voices of magic in everything. There’s the touch of the divine in everything.
(Don’t worry. If you aren’t listening the first dozen times, something will probably whap you over the head or trip you up. The important stuff’s stubborn like that.)
4) You will change. What you need will change. What you’re up for will change.
If you’re not changing, you’re not growing.
(And if you’re not annoyed by other people changing, they’re not growing either. There are days you might have to tell yourself this a lot. It’s okay.)
5) You will have your heart broken. 
Hearts heal. I promise.
(Even if you keep being nostalgic. Nostalgia’s fine as long as you don’t move there permanently.)
6) It’s okay that your practice changes. Keep your vows (but make them carefully). But the outward show, the rituals, the structure? There are times that it’s good, and there will be times it isn’t what you need.
Live like you’re connected to the world. Look up at the stars. Listen to the beat of the music and the touch of your Gods. Everything else will sort itself out.
(You are. They hold mysteries that will last your lifetime. So does the music and so do the Gods. And trust me, it’ll work out. Just keep going forward.)
Listen to that voice, the thread of melody and harmony that makes a resonant life.
 To put this in chronological context: I initiated in February 2003, took my 2nd degree in November 2005, and my 3rd in November 2007. I was about to turn 26 in 2001, I am about to turn 38.
 My longest running religious devotion – since about 11 years ago – is that I paint my toenails some shade of blue. Small. Simple. But I’ve been doing it for 11 years.
 And I’m not talking about my ex-husband, here. Or a romantic relationship, actually. The end of my marriage was pretty lousy, but it was a predictable kind of lousy, y’know?