… or at least lets you see family. As you might have gathered from a few posts back, I’m off to visit family and friends on the East Coast for the holidays (my mom, my brother and his family, and then college friends and my oldest friend - we’ve been friends since 2nd grade - at the end of the trip.)
What I won’t have, though, is much computer access. I’ll be back on the 30th, and have a couple of posts in the works, so expect to see something over New Year’s.
This is an introduction to a series of posts I’ve been contemplating for a long time. I was diagnosed with asthma in my college years, and still struggle with it regularly. It’s something that I have to keep in mind when looking at some kinds of ritual design, some practices and techniques - and just generally, in terms of being self-aware.
Asthma is sometimes called ‘the magician’s disease’ for various reasons: a number of well-known figures in esoteric circles have suffered from it. However, there isn’t always a lot of realistic discussion about what to do about it.
This series (which you can find under the tag ‘asthmatic witch‘) is going to focus on what’s worked for me (and that might also work for you or asthmatics you know), and what some of the many and varied options are.
Obviously, though, you are responsible for your own health. Don’t assume that what works for me works for you (and that what isn’t an option for me isn’t for you.) Check with your doctor and other medical advice.
A little background:
Asthma varies by person, though there are some common issues. So you know where I’m coming from, here’s what the issues are for me.
Triggers: Mostly allergy related, though I tolerate some kinds of exercise just fine and others not at all. (Running and climbing stairs are almost always hard for me, where walking, horseback riding, and swimming aren’t, even when I’m exerting myself.) I’m very allergic to feathers, quite allergic to dogs, mold, and fall pollens, and varying degrees of allergic to dust, cats, spring and summer pollens, and various other things.
I react to some kinds of incense, etc. but not all: almost anything is fine if it’s in a decently sized, well-ventilated room.
Lung issues: Along with the asthma, I have some lung scarring from bacterial pneumonia when I was 11. (I think that the scarring has something to do with my exercise issues: there are some body positions - like leaning forward when running or on stairs) that seem to decrease my lung capacity significantly, and if I’m already having trouble, it’s just too much.)
Between the two, I’m usually running on 80-90% of the ‘normal’ lung capacity for my age and height. If it drops much below 80%, I start seeing a drastic decrease in my ability to function - not just physically, but mentally. Online stuff that normally takes me 45 minutes will take me 3 hours to get through, along with the more obvious things like having trouble climbing stairs, walking long distances, or dealing with other allergens.
Medication: I take an albuterol inhaler as needed for immediate relief, but I’ve had extremely bad luck with side effects to the inhaled steroids I’ve tried (they send me into fast-cycling mood swings. This is not a way I want to live. Everyone agrees with me once they’ve seen it in action.)
In late 2006, I started seeing an herbalist, partly for help with asthma related issues, and that’s been really succesful. I still have problems, particularly in the fall (when I hit the combination of fall pollens plus mold) until the first few solid frosts - but I’ve been way better otherwise, and can moderate what I’m taking based on how I feel day to day (within the guidelines my herbalist gives me) without noticeable side effects.
Triggers I’m around: I live in Minnesota, so there are pollens around. I live with one cat (who I tolerate really well: I wash my bedding regularly, feed her food that helps reduce her dander and her own food intolerances, and run an air filter all the time in the bedroom.) The covenstead of the group I’ve trained with (I’m getting ready to hive, so this issue is diminishing) has two dogs, five cats, and I do have allergic reactions regularly, even though they work hard on cleaning before events.
Minnesota is generally fairly good about mold (we get a fair amount of moisture most years, but it generally dries out fully in between), except in the fall, until the frosts kill any mold from fallen leaves. Fall is definitely my worst time: early September through late November eats my brain, my energy, and my focus.
I’m getting more irritated than previously with two little words. You can probably guess what they are, given the time of year: Merry Christmas. It’s not that I object to holiday wishes - I don’t. But I think that wishing me a happy holiday that isn’t mine just to make conversation is, perhaps, not the greatest thing ever. I admit I’m sensitive to words: I try to choose and use them carefully.
Work is easy: I work at a private non-religious school which has a substantial Christian population - but also a number of Jews (with a wide range of approach to practice), as well as some Muslim students and faculty, and some Hindu students. (So far as I know, I’m the only Pagan, but I honestly *don’t* know. I’ve told a few specific people, and a few others have guessed based on how I handle specific topics.)
For all of these reasons, we hear “Happy holidays” and “Have a great break!” far more than “Merry Christmas.” (the latter is said only to people you know actually celebrate it.) And I like that. They speak directly to me as a person, and they consider what I might or might not be doing, and while they’re generic, they’re not implying I *should* be celebrating something or doing something.
I think of a close friend who’s grieving too many deaths in her life in the last two years. This holiday season will have good times for her - but exactly how merry it will be, I don’t know. Encouraging her to feel merry certainly seems dismissive at best and downright nasty at worst. I think of people I know who will be dealing with difficult family situations, stress about money, pressure to do more, to conform, to fit into the mold - and I don’t know how merry that is, either.
Is the casual potential cruelty of a “Merry Christmas” really helpful? Or friendly? Do we need to say it to everyone we see for a month running?
Waiting
But this year, something is also bothering me this year: the lack of anticipation. Back when I was (an active and heavily involved) Catholic, one of my home parish priests was very fixed on the idea of not celebrating Christmas until it was actually Christmas. The older I’ve gotten, and the more I’ve thought about it, the more I absolutely agree with him.
My mother also took it seriously. We’d have our Advent wreath, but we’d also wait to get our tree until quite late - when I was in college, it was often on the 22nd or 23rd, when I came home from exams. (Mom couldn’t haul a tree by herself.) Ten years later, it’s hard to find a tree lot that’s still open or has much stock that late.
This year, the Christmas stuff showed up en masse in stores well before Thanksgiving - and I started seeing it before Halloween. How can we wait, how can we anticipate - and how can we avoid imploding from stress - when we can’t escape it?
As I’ve looked at my own practices, I wonder what it would be like to go from the flurry of a witchy Samhain to the quiet of Yule, celebrating the return of the light, but without the stress and strain of melding it with secular and family events. I enjoy travelling to see my family (and I treat Christmas, these days, as part of remembering and honoring my family and my ancestors.) But it’s not my holiday in a religious sense.
I don’t want to get drawn into the trap of neglecting the anticipation for the event. I learn things from the waiting. I need to learn the quiet, and the reflective surface, the soft music and the pleasure of a cup of tea, just as much as I need to learn the shiny and the bright lights, the trumpets and drums and feasts of food.
I’m intrigued by Beth Owl’s Daughter’s Solstice spell (her introductory post is here): I found this too late to get things together (both in practical terms, and available energy ones) this year, but I am reading along, thinking, and looking for ways to develop something that will work for me. I think about the Cauldron Farm’s article on seasonal sustenance, and how I might combine that with some sort of ongoing working from Sabbat to Sabbat.
These are not simple goals: they take time, they are complicated to fit into a busy life that runs on other people’s schedules in terms of what music I hear in the stores, when I have days off work, and so on. But I am committed to figuring out things - small things, ongoing things - that make my home a refuge from the chaos, and that help bring a little rest from the constant din to those around me who wish it.
There’s nothing here that others - hundreds of others - in many religious traditions haven’t also said, more or less. One more voice for quiet seems rather ironic. But at the same time - one more voice might intrigue or inspire one more person. That’d be nice.
[Part of a series of posts about daily life and schedules: check out the day in the life category in the sidebar for more: the first post in that category has more explanation]
To get an idea of a typical day when I’m not doing anything hugely scheduled, here is my yesterday.
5:45 : My alarm goes off with a gentle CD. I pet the cat, get up, use the bathroom, and settle down to my morning computer check. While on the computer, put my hair up for the day, have the extract I take. I try to eat breakfast, but this is not one of the days when that happens.
6:40: I do my brief morning devotionals - right now, this involves a brief welcome to the four quarters and to my deities. Sometimes it involves some moving meditation (dance, in my case). I also apply a little perfume, the other part of my daily practice.
6:55ish: I fill the electric kettle with water and turn it on. My herbalist wants me to drink at least two cups of the tea mix she suggests every day, so I boil water, add it to my french press mug, bring it to work, and stop it steeping when I get there. Get dressed while the water is going.
7:10: Walk out of the house, petting the cat one last time.
7:30: I’m at work, and I’ll be here until 4pm. (The joy of school schedules.) It’s the last day before finals, so there’s a lot of chaos, but it’s a decent day. Our current online resource project is almost ready to go. I eat lunch around 11:30, as usual.
4:10: Leave a little bit late, due to waiting for one of our tech guys to finish up fixing something in the lab. Head off to a friend’s house for our regular walking date.
4:40: Arrive at friend’s house. We do a short walk, because the air quality is not great, and I need to run bunches of errands. We figure out plans for help with party prep for her party on Friday, talk about various things, and work out other bits of scheduling.
5:10: I’m in the car again to drop off books at the library near her, and pick up a couple on hold. As always, I walk out with about 10 books. Once I’m out of the library, I head out to do some shopping.
5:40: I stop by one of our malls to hit both Borders (for a particular CD from a local music ensemble for my mother) and PetSmart (for more cat food). I get out of both fairly fast, even though there’s a line at Borders.
6:30: I walk in the door at home, and immediately set yeast proofing for bread, since I’ve been really strongly encouraged to bring another loaf like the one I brought to Yule to our meeting on Wednesday. (It’s my basic bread recipe with cinnamon, nutmeg, and cardamon instead of my usual herbs. Also about a third of a stick of softened butter.)
6:45: I’ve changed, and the bread is mixed and rising. I start marinating some mushrooms for baked mushrooms later, and I steam some potstickers for dinner, part 1. Once those are in progress, I work on some computer stuff. I chat with a friend on IM, thank another for a card, and catch up on various fora.
7:30: The mushrooms go in to bake for a bit. I work on shaping the bread (which refuses to behave) but is rising nicely. I give up on shaping, and dust it with crushed amber sugar crystals, cinnamon, and nutmeg.
8:20: The bread goes in. I bake it for 20 minutes, decide that it needs a little longer. By the time it’s done, out, and cooled, it’s after 9, and I decide I’ll have a bath in the morning, rather than before bed (my usual preference).
9:30: I go to bed (setting the alarm to 5:30 to allow for the bath), the cat curls up, and I read until I fall asleep. (Current read: Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body by Courtney Martin: it got recommended in about 3 places I read in the space of a week.)
Other events this week include taking a friend food shopping on Monday (she doesn’t drive, so I take her out to Trader Joe’s every two weeks or so when I do my own run.), this on Tuesday, a meeting on Wednesday, and helping the above friend with party prep on Thursday. I’ll probably talk about this week’s Wednesday tomorrow.
One thing that fascinates me in talking to other witches, Pagans, and people of similar interests, is what it actually means to our day to day lives. As part of that, I want to periodically share a day in my life, to let people get a feel for what my time actually looks like, and what choices I make.
Bear in mind when you read this that I’m single and live alone: a lot of my ‘home’ time is totally on my own schedule. On the other hand, nothing gets clean, the snow doesn’t get shovelled, and I don’t eat if I don’t do the work.
I’m will include some ‘light’ days, and some ‘heavy’ days (depending on my schedule), but we all know I’m more likely to talk about the somewhat interesting ones rather than the tediously boring ones, right?
You can find all the daily life posts by checking out the ‘day in the life’ category over on the sidebar.
This coming Friday, I’m celebrating Yule with friends (they throw a big party.) I’m hoping to make it up for dawn on the Saturday, before finishing my holiday shopping. On the 23rd, I’m on a plane to visit family.
My mother lives in the Boston area (my father died when I was in high school). From there, we’re going down to New Haven, to spend Christmas with my brother, sister in law, and my nieces who are 3.5 and 5.5 (and adorably cute.) I’m looking forward to it, but there are also parts of it that I’m a little nervous about.
See, this is the first time I’ll have been out there for Christmas. Last year, my mother and I were together on Christmas, but we were travelling (a river boat group on the Danube, visiting Vienna, Bratislava, and Budapest: Mom was born in Vienna, and a number of our ancestors were Hungarian before that.) Mom went off to Midnight Mass with other people from the boat, I went to sleep.
In years I’ve been out to Boston, I’ve flown on Christmas Day, which has had the advantage of being relatively cheap, and of avoiding trying to do religious coordination. This year, the scheduling made that complicated if I wanted to see my brother and his family, so I’m flying earlier. My family know I’m a witch, and that I am no longer Christian, and that Wiccan is a good first-approximation term for me. They’ve been far better about it, all in all, than I’d ever anticipated: we have sensible, thoughtful conversations in which they listen and ask questions they’ve clearly been thinking about.
Some of this is just about travel. I do a morning daily devotional that doesn’t require much stuff - but that I know will be slightly complicated sleeping in the loft space at my brother’s. That’s relatively simple: they’re deliberately designed to not require a lot of ’stuff’. I pack a small travel altar (mostly jewelry pieces that do double duty if I need to put on my priestess hat, as it were.) and I’m usually fine.
But there’s also always the question of navigating church services, and of moving from the family traditions of my childhood to those of my brother’s family. This year has been full of transitional and liminal times for me: one more is certainly manageable. It’s just also a little unsettling, in the way that most often leads to growth for me.
I will not only manage but have a fantastic time, I’m sure. It’s just a question of what’s going to happen and how.
There are a number of common concerns. I talked about space and cost considerations in my last post, but here’s a few others I’ve heard pretty often.
1) I have pets or kids.
My experience, honestly, is that both pets and children are trainable, if you are very clear about what spaces aren’t to be messed with, and you start out with things that are either not breakable, or can easily be replaced if necessary. Growing up, my parents put some breakable stuff up high – but they also taught me what I could play with and what I couldn’t.
My previous home (with housemates), we had 5 resident cats, two dogs, and various people who could be clumsy. The cats would make a beeline for the set of windows (so we made sure that the quarter altar in that direction didn’t have breakables, unstable objects, or lightweight objects on it) and everything else was fine.
Some people put the breakables behind a door that can’t easily be opened (a bedroom or office, for example). In my current home, the only door is on the bathroom: my altar’s out in the front room, and my cat ignores it. Thoughtful placement helps a lot: my furball’s a lot more likely to explore near the window or patches of sun than away from them.
Barring these options, you might put away any breakables or sharp tools that could accidentally hurt someone, but also find lovely and meaningful items that wouldn’t be harmful (an unlit candle, stones, a bowl of water, pictures, etc.)
2) I have unexpected visitors who don’t know I’m Pagan.
If you are likely to have people drop by with whom you don’t share your religious choices (for example, people from work, extended family, etc.) there are a couple of choices.
You might keep any obviously religious items somewhere private (your bedroom is a common choice, unless people might wander in there. An office sometimes works.) You might keep them in a closed container (there are some lovely boxes that open outwards, that are deep enough to store standard items) and decorate the box in a way that means a lot to you, but isn’t obvious to others. You might have an altar with non-obvious objects to others (shells, stones, flowers, a candle, etc.) that are meaningful to you, and add other working tools only when you’re actually working.
Some people pack everything away, and set up their altar only when they’re actually doing ritual work. This seems a little complicated, but people that do it have told me that it helps them go deeper into the ritual mindset earlier in the process.
3) Someone I live with disapproves of my religious choice.
This is a complicated one, mostly because there are different kinds of situations. A teen is in a very different position than an adult working things out with their spouse.
While I’m long out of the house, I do the same thing when I go to visit my mother. She’s an active Catholic. When I visit, I bring only enough for my personal daily devotional work, and I don’t do other ritual work she might not approve of in her home. That seems only polite.
In the case of spouses, though, it’s more complicated: even if only one of them is working, the other is presumably contributing to the home in other ways, and they’ve both made commitments to being together. It’s definitely a good time to have a long discussion, and figure out exactly what the issue is. (Are they concerned about unexpected visitors? Extended family? Specific concerns about the religious choice in question? Are they being controlling? It’s hard to tell which it is without some more conversation.) What solution makes sense will depend on the issues.
In general:
There are options for almost every circumstance - whether it’s a dorm room or your own home, whether you live by yourself or share your space, whether you have pets or small children, or not. There’s no one set of requirements for a daily devotional altar and lots of options to handle more structured ritual use, if that’s part of what you do.
There are certain topics that tend to come up again and again - one of them is altars. Thinking about this due to the confluence of teaching our Seeker class focused on daily practice, and some online commentary, I thought it was a good time for a post.
Here’s my personal method for designing personal altars (take them as you will.)
1) Figure out what you want it for. Form follows function.
Do you want to do a daily devotional action like lighting a candle, or drinking a small amount of water that you’ve charged for a goal? Have the right items somewhere easy to get to, whether that’s a candle and a lighter, or a cup and carafe. Do you want to keep flowers on it? Is there room for a vase? Are you honoring a specific deity? What images or items evoke them for you? These may be copies of statuary - but they can also be very simple, commonplace items, or inexpensive objects.
2) Do you have any specific limitations?
Some people get concerned about space. I live in a 400 square foot house (think studio apartment sized) and I still have plenty of room not only for an altar, but to host a small group ritual. (Ok, to do that one, I need to have entirely portable seating in my front room. But it’s possible!)
My primary altar (see the photo above) is a 2 shelf bookcase, about a foot wide and 2.5 feet long. It’s not very big, but it’s big enough, especially if I keep non-daily use tools on the shelves below. Herbs, incense, and other items live elsewhere in my home (where I have more storage space): I take out what I need before ritual work. It’s forced me to think carefully about my tools. I also have smaller shrines and devotional centers in other parts of my home: a carved stone animal here, a pair of charged candles there, a candle for my hearth on the kitchen counter, jewelry or images hung as decoration in various places.
Some people hang shelves (use that vertical space!) or use the front part of bookshelves to get more usable space.
There are many other kinds of limitations – pets, people in or visiting the home that may not approve, small children, allergies. These all will get coverage in later posts.
3) What items do you have?
Some people say that they can’t afford an altar. While there are a few tools that it’s hard to get cheaply (Chances are good you’re not going to get a handforged steel blade or a wand with lots of decorative stones or artwork for $5), there are lots of inexpensive alternatives. Except for my athame, no individual working item on my altar cost me more than $20 – and many were far less than that. I bought some, traded friends for some, and got some as gifts.
You can pick up inexpensive wood, ceramic, and glass pieces at rummage sales, thrift stores, or stores like Cost Plus World Market, Ikea, or Pier One. You can get small carved stones (great for work with specific animals or elements) or decorative glass shapes at many places. Simple tumbled rocks are available both from esoteric stores but also from science museums and natural history stores. Let your friends know that you would really love a particular type of item (ceramic bowls).
A few tools do need some special attention. If you’re planning on burning incense, avoid burns! If you start with stick or cone incense, you can get a holder or simple dish inexpensively. Loose incense will need an appropriate censer (so it doesn’t burn your altar surface), sand, charcoal, and tongs. If you want to burn small items (wishes, things to get rid of), you want a cauldron (or get an old pot and a stand that you can dedicate to that use) for the same reasons.
In general, though, you can make do with a great deal. Wands can be made from local branches – even some simple decorations don’t cost more than a little wire, glue, and stones or beads. A pentacle can be painted or carved into wood that you then finish appropriately. Craft and hobby stores have a wide range of interesting boxes, containers, and other items you can decorate to create storage or devotional spaces.
Also, remember, you don’t need to get it all at once. What one or two things are most important to you right now? Focus on those. Then make a list of the next things you would like. That way, you can keep your eye out for them, ask for them as gifts, or consider learning how to make them (depending on the item.)
4) Do you want to make seasonal changes?
Not everyone does. My personal altar has been used for personal devotions: I don’t change it season to season. As I move into leading my own group, I am beginning to think of more significant seasonal decorations, but I’m still deciding what I want to do. (I do know I want to keep it simple and easy, with minimal storage and cost needed).
Seasonal decorations can be as simple as a yard of an appropriate fabric print for each Sabbat, You might use some seasonal foliage (evergreens in winter, flowers in summer, pussywillows in spring, dried leaves in fall.) You might add a single item that relates to that Sabbat: a blown out and decorated egg, dried corn or a bowl of grains for Lammas, a green man face for Beltane (you can make some great masks with a cheap mask base and a few sheets of different colored green felt.)
You don’t need to do this all at once either: maybe you spend a year with one single simple item, and then begin to collect fabric or more elaborate items.
Future posts:
- Dealing with specific issues (like disapproving family, or the presence of small children and pets.)
- Allergies and your altar
- Travel altars.