Obviously, with coven work on hiatus, this page is a little less relevant than it’s been in the past. However, I want to leave it up both to give a sense of my approach to ritual style, and because it can help people interested in other groups understand what to ask about.
It should go without saying that these specific requirements are relevant to Phoenix Song only – if you’re going anywhere else, ask them for their specifics! This is a fairly long page – don’t panic. If you are a thoughtful, responsible, and generally polite human being, you will be just fine. I’ve provided more details to help answer common questions and concerns when visiting a group for the first time.
General courtesy:
Please respect our time:
Please show up on time ready to do whatever we’re doing together – or let us know as soon as possible if there might be a problem. We assume that all invited guests are coming unless you tell us otherwise. Showing up late or missing scheduled time together without good reason is something we take very seriously, because it affects everyone in the group.
Our invitations include a likely ending time. However, ritual takes as long as it takes – please don’t plan on a firm time to be somewhere else unless you’ve checked with us first.
House rules:
Almost all of our events (except for initial ‘getting to know you’ discussions) are at private homes. Please be attentive to any house practices or requests such as where to park, where to leave shoes, or other similar issues.
Names and titles:
We use our common name/nickname most of the time, and ritual names in circle. We rarely use formal titles (Lady/Lord) unless someone is speaking very formally for the group, or unless a Drawing Down or similar ritual act is occuring. If in doubt, ask or follow the lead of any initiate present.
Health and well-being:
We expect everyone at our events to arrive willing and able to do the work of the event – this is especially true at ritual.
Be responsible for your own health. Bring whatever medications you might need. Let us know well in advance of any specific things we might do to help you (such as needing a chair during ritual, any food allergies, or scents we should avoid) – last minute requests are hard! If there is a chance you may urgently need an inhaler or other medication, please make sure you tell one of us where it is.
Jenett is asthmatic and fond of breathing. If you smoke, please let us know as soon as possible so we can discuss details and what we can and can’t accommodate.
It’s not appropriate to turn up at ritual drunk or high. The same principle goes for prescription medication: if you’ve recently started or changed a medication, please check in advance about whether this is a good event for you to attend right now.
Allergies and sensitives:
We have a number of friends with food sensitivities or allergies, so this policy is important to us. If you can’t be in the same room as something, please tell us early! We’ll make sure we avoid it.
If there’s something you don’t or can’t eat, it may be part of a post-ritual feast, but we will also make sure there are other foods you can eat. Since this is such an individual situation, we’ll want to talk about specifics with you to make sure we understand what will work.
Before an event:
Invitation:
We send out an email invitation with all the information you should need for each event. This will include the address, times, general outline, and any specific items to bring. If you haven’t gotten one within two weeks of the event, please check with us – something may have gone astray!
Your invitation is for you alone – please do not bring anyone else with you without advance permission. (This also goes for pets due to our resident feline and Jenett’s allergies.)
Discussions:
We like talking! We use discussions both as a way to get to know you (in a coffee shop or other public place) and then as part of our shared group learning time (in one of our homes). When we host, we’ll provide either a meal or snacks, depending on time and energy.
You should:
- Let us know if you have any food or drink allergies (or any other specific needs like seating preferences, etc.)
- Prepare for the discussion (we’ll provide information in advance on the topic).
- Be ready for active discussion and interaction – we’ll ask you what you think, as well as sharing our own thoughts, practices, and approaches.
What to wear (for ritual):
We dress consciously but informally for most rituals, choosing clothing that helps us reflect on the ritual focus. This often might look like street clothes, though we recommend natural fabrics. Group members will need to eventually have a more formal ritual outfit as well.
- You should be able to sit, stand, lie down, move, and breathe deeply in whatever you wear.
- Items should not be distracting for others in circle – a general Pagan design on a t-shirt would be fine, but a slogan would not be.
- You might select the color or design based on the ritual focus – seasonal colors, a color associated with the ritual work or focus, or something relating to your personal intention during that ritual. We’re glad to talk about possible options if you have questions.
- If you choose to wear something that does not look like normal street clothing for you (like a robe), we ask that you change once you get to the ritual site.
Group members also wear some tradition-specific jewelry and items. We ask that you avoid the following items within our group as a guest unless we’ve discussed otherwise (friends from other traditions):
- Cord belts in green, white, red, or black (or white/red/black braided)
- The large phoenix medallions (in either bronze or silver)
- Please avoid masks, veils, crowns, or anything else you wear on your head unless specified in the ritual information.
Many people find that a cast circle holds heat (short sleeves are often comfortable even in cold winters), but you may want slippers or another layer to wear before or after ritual.
Ritual:
What to bring:
Please bring yourself and anything listed on your invitation (these will generally be small or simple things you have around the house.) If it’s a ritual, bring your food to share. You should also bring any medications you might need.
Please don’t bring ritual blades or a staff or other pointy or long objects until you’re familiar with our ritual space: we don’t have a lot of spare storage space, so larger bundles of stuff can be awkward.
Food:
We gather for a feast after ritual. We coordinate food a little more than pure potluck, to make sure we have a range of foods available. We’ll do this in the invitation email. In general food should be almost ready to eat (within 5 minutes of final preparation) when we’re done. If you’re considering something that might take longer, require a stove, etc. please check in advance.
You can assume that we will have:
- Water and tea (or tisane – herbal tea) of various kinds
- Wine or mead (whatever we use in the chalice)
- Bread (homemade, wheat flour)
- Various condiments/salt/herbs (but check if there’s something specific you might want.)
- Plates, cutlery, and basic serving utensils (but if you need something specific, please bring it.)
We appreciate advance warning if you might want to plug in a crockpot or take up much space in the fridge, so we can make sure we’ve made room. I do not own a microwave.
Once you arrive:
When you get to the ritual site, you may want to change. We do our best to start 15-30 minutes after the ‘gather’ time in your invitation (though we will wait briefly in case of traffic). We begin by grounding and centering together.
Our ritual follows a fairly standard format – it’s similar to that in many books about Wiccan-based ritual, but with a few differences. None of these ask you to do anything specific or commit to anything – you can just follow along. When we have guests, we do our best to explain specifics of anything you’re actively sharing in as we do that step.
Some things to know about ritual:
- We cast circle (create a specific sacred space) for many reasons: please do not step through it. If you have questions, please ask the person who cast it to cut you out.
- Like many groups, we move clockwise during most of ritual, to build energy in a single direction. At the end of ritual we move counterclockwise.
- That said – we work in relatively small rooms. There will be times you may need to take a step in one direction or another to let someone by for a ritual part. Step whichever way makes practical sense and step back when you’re done without worrying about clockwise and counterclockwise.
- At the ‘cakes and ale’ portion, we will pass things to you with a blessing. You can respond “Blessed be” or whatever else feels appropriate, and pass them back.
We sing in ritual, but we don’t generally teach the songs in advance. Please join in singing as you pick things up. (We’ve found that teaching them in advance of ritual does some odd things to the energy flow: we’re glad to teach them more thoroughly after ritual or at a discussion night.)
After ritual:
Part of ritual for us is the food and conversation afterwards. You don’t need to stay incredibly late, but we do expect guests will generally be around for an hour or two. (This is built into the “We’ll probably finish around X time” estimate you got in your invitation.)
We’ll check in with you a few days after ritual and see if you have any questions or comments we should know about. You’re also welcome to contact us at any time if there’s something specific about the ritual that you’d like to know more about.